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Facebook’s terms of service – reimagined

Facebook’s terms of service – reimagined

OK, time to lighten things up around here.

Facebook’s TOS sucks to read.  I have college degrees up my ying yang, and I still feel like I’m reading a tax form.  The guys (and/or girls, I don’t know) at SlackStory have done all the heavy lifting and broken the entire thing down for you to follow along.

To be clear, I didn’t write a word of this.  I just wish to hell I had:

Statement of Rights and ResponsibilitiesAll these rules are based on some other rules we have that aren’t really rules so much as guidelines. These rules, though, are the real rules, and they say what you can and can’t do on Facebook, and what we can and can’t do with your shit.  We treat your use of Facebook exactly like college athletes treat silence – consent, motherfuckers.
1. PrivacyWe give lots of fucks about your privacy, so we wrote this. Read it, so you know what the fuck we’re going to do with the shit you post, so you’re not all “Facebook, I had no idea!” when your shit is in our press releases. That way you know the deal when you’re deciding what to post. Next: Sharing your shit. »2. Sharing your Content and Information

  1. Good news! Everything you put on Facebook is yours. Seriously, we would never steal it from you, because that would be a dick move. You have complete control over your own shit in the settings. Uh, except for a few things:
  2. For things covered by intellectual property law, (which is, I mean, just minor shit like your pictures and videos; whatever, amirite?) you grant us license to use it literally however the fuck we want for as long as it’s up. Seriously, we can blow up your pictures and Photoshop in sombreros and dicks and then put them up on billboards in Asia if we want. Also, we can let our friends use your shit however they want. But! Once you delete your shit, then we’ll all stop using it. Unless, of course, your friends also have it up.
  3. When you delete intellectual property, we delete it the same way you delete files! Except we also keep backup copies. Only for a little while, though, and we won’t let anyone else use it. Pinky promise.
  4. When you use an application that we don’t make – and you can totally do that if you want, we won’t be mad – but we give them as much shit as you let us, and you make a separate agreement with them about what they do with that shit. We make sure they respect your privacy, though. We’ve got your back.
  5. Sometimes when you publish things, you can share with “Everyone”. Just so you know, we mean everyone. Every. Fucking. One. But if they ask whose shit it is, we only tell them your full name and show the one picture. That’s it. So make it a good picture.
  6. Hey, sometimes, maybe you have an idea! Fuck yeah, we love it when you have ideas. If you tell us your idea, maybe we’ll be like, “Hey! Great fucking idea, kid! We’re totally going to make that happen.” We, uh, we don’t have to pay you for it, though, just like you don’t have to tell us how to improve our site, asshole. Thanks.

Have a laugh and go read the rest of it. (sorry for the ten different fonts on this piece.  MarsEdit is not playing nice today for some odd reason, and I can’t seem to fix it.


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