My Drama Repellant

In general, I try to stay away from intensely personal pieces on my website, but today is going to be different.  Maybe I’ll create a new category for this called “mental health”.  Yeah, there it is – sorted.

Usually before I log onto the computer, I spray myself with drama repellent so bullshit doesn’t come to visit but last night I forgot and it came with a vengeance.  Well, no more.  I’m done. This is where you and I part company, Drama.  You just can’t crawl in my head anymore and make a mess.

You know, there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t be here today:

After being repeatedly gang-raped, it was expected that my injuries would have eventually taken their toll.

I got sober in my 20’s, after overdosing three times and being locked in a mental institution.  I wasn’t getting help, I was just resting, thanks.  Getting ready to do it again until a colossal accident should have ended my life.

I’ve covered not one but two wars.  I took two bullets in the first one and while I was being patched up the amount of blood on me didn’t make sense to the medic.  I told him it wasn’t mine; it was from the soldier next to me who had a bullet slice his carotid artery.  He was dead soon after he hit the ground and I was covered in his arterial spray.

Not long after I settled down with the man I love, I was called to the morgue to identify his remains after being hit by a drunk driver. After flying an estimated 165 feet and having the car come to rest on his chest I had to settle for identifying him based on the jewelry I gave him.  No other means was going to be successful.

I love my life today, and I really shouldn’t be here to even write this.  Thanks to work, I’ve been put in so many situations that really should have stopped my clock for good.  You turn a page in your brain and decide that you just have to life your life going forward by what your gut tells you – not what conventional “wisdom” thinks you’re supposed to do.  That’s worked for me without fail, and that’s the problem solving skill I’ll be keeping in place for good.

After letting myself turn to shit physically, I made a decision to get off my ass and do something about it.  Many years later the extra baggage is gone and I’m happy with what I see in the mirror.  Damn happy indeed.

Going with my gut has gotten me back to the city I love with a wonderful man and in short we were put in the position to adopt a wonderful kid who now refers to us as Dad.

Following that same intuition has put a wonderful man in my life that I love, in addition to the one I currently have.  There’s no subterfuge or cavorting on the down-low.  They both know about each other. Told my kid about it too.  Everybody thinks it’s bloody brilliant – direct quote.

There are a few hurdles to overcome:  Man #2 and I live in different countries.  There is an age difference, and not just one or two years.  We don’t give a fuck about the age difference because when it all settles down it’s just a goddamn number.  If it’s that bothersome to you, then I suggest your examine your own problems instead of projecting them on my life and love.   We’ll have the geographical hurdle solved when it’s the time to do so and I’ve been blessed with the ability to get on a plane any goddamn time I deem necessary.

Have I met man #2 in person yet?  No, but I will in very short order.  The physical connection is only going to enhance the emotional one that’s already being built.

But you know what, drama?  Life is too fucking short.  Gay men the world over have so many hurdles to overcome that they spend their lives living by preset rules and conditions that they live in misery because they don’t know anything different.  Guess what?  You don’t have to just listen to the preset radio stations – you’re allowed to spin the dial and find a tune you like all on your own.

I have, and I’m dancing my ass off.  Right now I’m sitting buck naked in the middle of beautiful trees and a great view of the water.  It’s secluded, it’s fucking wonderful and it’s paid for.  Why am I doing this?  Because I damn well want to, that’s why and I’ll probably spent the entire time I’m here naked just because it’s something I want to do.

And I’m going to continue to spin the dial and find my own tunes for the rest of my days.

I know my long, sordid history and follow up zest for how I live my life is going to be attractive to people, and I’m ok with that.  And as such, people tend to lean on me for advice.  That’s cool too; I’m not bashful and when people ring my chimes to talk, I’ll listen and tell them what I think.  But now, I’m gonna wear drama repellant full time so this is going to have stipulations going forward:

Don’t waste my time pumping me for advice you have no intention of taking because it’s not what you want to hear.  I’m not a “yes” man and I’m far too tall to bend over and kiss your ass.

Every one has their bad days, and that’s ok.  But if all you’re gonna do it whine, bitch, moan and groan about the pile of crap you currently sit in, refuse to do anything about it AND your only goal in life is to pull others into your messy diaper along with you then you’re done.  You can’t get through my drama repellant anymore.

I just can’t have that negativity near me.  That puts you squarely in the “emotional vampire” category and you can’t feed on me anymore.  Ever.  Make sure to close the door on your way out.

You can chuckle and call me an old fuck, but that’s not going to hide the truth from you.  I’m happier in my heart and my own skin than you’ll ever be.  If I can’t share with you how I got that I’ll be goddamned if you’re gonna take it from me.  My drama repellant is extra strength to deal with fools like you.

I’m gonna dance to my own tune I find on the radio, sing it at the top of my lungs, and I’m gonna have the men in my life I love (men, plural).  And you’ll just have to sit in your own mess, bemoaning the state of your life, and banging your spoon on your high chair because no one is paying attention to you any longer.

I can no longer extend myself to you drama, and then get my hand closed in the door because you only want me in if I’m gonna dance your way.  I’ll just stay outside thanks. You stay where you are.

I need to apply an extra coat of repellent just in case you try again.

My Drama Repellant, 10.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating

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